I spent the first decade and change of my sex-life focused on how to be the most amazing, talented giver that I could possibly be. And Damn did I get good at playing that role! I learned high quality touch skills. I learned ambidexterity and how to use my mouth, both hands, and my cock. Even simultaneously if I chose. I learned literally dozens of unique ways of petting a pussy. I learned about presence. I learned how to hold space through crygasms. I even learned how to handle two (or more) women’s sexual energy simultaneously. I learned how to control my erotic energy, maintaining a lower level of arousal until ‘she’ had enough orgasms to be fully satisfied, and only then allowing myself to cum.
Women loved it. No doubt. A man who truly knew how to give? And loved to do so? They would revel in receiving.
By the time I was in my late twenties though, I started noticing that I was getting resentful. I didn’t want to be some asshole that didn’t give a fuck about a woman’s experience, and only cared about getting his rocks off, but was sex really supposed to just be about me giving pleasure to women? What about my pleasure? According to certain perspectives, my pleasure should be coming from experiencing my woman’s pleasure. Well yes, most definitely it was. But only through that? It was increasingly not working for me.
I was witnessing women go into these incredible states of extended sexual ecstasy, and something was screaming out from inside of me, “I want to know what that’s like, too!” Don’t I deserve it? I’ve spent years giving this pleasure.
I looked and looked and nearly everything that I found for men was on how to please women. Well, not to toot my own horn, but I was already an expert there. Where I was deficient was on experiencing my own pleasure.
When a woman did try to put all of her focus on me and my pleasure, I wouldn’t allow it. I would immediately be trying to give to her simultaneously, or I would unconsciously disassociate from my body and mentally check out. Something was going on there.
I became determined to fix this.
Balance. It’s a good thing.
…
To be continued…